I shot a few video journals yesterday, need to figure out how I plan to upload them for this. I had crazy dreams last night. using a mirror to burn someone from the museum's face (it healed quickly thank goodness) while we were in a fun house of sorts... being in a jungle with my sister and leaving my bag at some monkey bridge thing. Holes in my teeth from keeping something in my mouth too long, along with chunks of whatever ate my teeth coming out. That one is a dream trope of sorts, the teeth coming out of the mouth thing. I forget what it stands for to people, but it's always creepy. Anyway... this morning I've just been playing Torn and lamenting about being unable to really enjoy a day off because I continue to worry about the future of my relationship with MADE. I'm afraid I gave the museum too much of myself and now it needs me, but I'm not willing to give that endlessly, and more realistically- I will be gone for two weeks in just under 27 days! That aside... what am I looking to do today? I'm not even sure. I know the van needs an oil change. It's needed one for awhile, and although the light isn't on, I know we should get it changed asap for the health of the vehicle.
I should try and clean the backyard. I should do laundry. So many tasks. But I also want respite. I do enjoy tasks. So perhaps respite is the wrong word. Perhaps I just want to allow myself to be lazy. I haven't been using cannabis for two weeks or so now so that I can focus better on what is at hand. Cannabis hasn't really stopped me from doing so before, but with the sickness from a few weeks ago I figured it wouldn't hurt my lung and sinus health and state of mind to go on hiatus. It might be hurting my state of mind at this point. I'm much more unreasonable when I don't dull my edge recreationally. I am glad that Sarah understands, I somewhat exploded with anxious thoughts yesterday, explaining that although vaping helps, it's more or less a cover up for these feelings. A constant hum of impending doom. I know very well that the doom isn't coming the way that I feel it, but that doesn't make the feeling any less real- if that makes sense.
The microwave beeps, again and again. It's the pigs in a blanket. I'll go grab them. Sarah made me a chicken pot pie for breakfast-lunch and these as a follow up. They are a bit too salty. Sarah suggested honey mustard with them. I don't think I have the hunger for them right now. But they are hot and ready right now, so I guess I should try to eat a few.
I wish I had more episodes of Foundation. But we finished season three a few weeks ago now. I keep thinking about how they wrote the story to be a play on words. They did other things that I wasn't happy about-- but I still want more.
We finished an anime yesterday, Juni Taisen Zodiac War is what it is called. I liked it.
I think I'm done writing for now. 11:53