tags:
- JournalI'm on the Surfliner, an Amtrak Train across SoCal with Sarah heading down to Anaheim. We first took a connecting Amtrak bus from OJK (Oakland Jack London Station). I had a conversation today about job training and the possibility of heading back to school-- again. I'm a bit frustrated about my career and how it feels like it goes in circles. I would like to focus on my Art and figure out how to survive with it alone or work on something that I can keep apart from my more meaningful personal work. I can think about all of this on the back burner while I continue my job search through the rest of the year. We're meeting my parents for Thanksgiving, my father and mother were going to take a cruise of some sort, but my mother decided she would much rather go to Disneyland, so long story short, we are going too. After the Sweden trip, flexible income is wrong in both ways: it's not flexible-- it's set and it's not income-- it's savings. So before I spend all of what I was able to save over the last two years I should think about what I need to get into the next situation that would let me save again. My laptop seems fine, so does my phone. But it's because they are both about three years or so old. The laptop is even better than that: 15-inch, M2, 2023. The phone is... iPhone 13 ProMax It was late 2021. That's about right with the 17 being the one from this year. All in all, I think that equipment is ready for the future. But holding onto the funding to replace them would certainly make me feel safer. I think it would be about $3000 for both. $1600:$1400 laptop:phone give or take a few hundred from one to the other. I haven't needed a laptop, even like this one, in a long time. It was nice for my work at MADE, but it wasn't something that I needed. It probably added a lot to my productivity that I couldn't or didn't measure.
My art. What does that even mean? I guess my journaling could be considered a part of it. Especially if I decided to write a memoir with all of these journals and some additional writings and extensive editing. Would anyone even want to read it? I don't even read these as much as I just write them and stack them up. I think at least three people might read it: my mother and or father and my partner Sarah. Then as a stretch, maybe one of my many long time friends and maybe some extended family-- if I sent them the book. It would need to be at least x pages long for me to use lulu or amazon whatever to self publish. It would probably be even better to work on something else first. It's so bright in the train. They should turn down the lights. But it's only 17:09 right now, it's not really time for lights out yet. Writing about the songs I've created as qst0 seems like it would be an interesting enough book. Each qst0 song could have a passage here on the site. Then I could just compile them into the book with their album art. It would be a bit of work to put it together, but it would be really cool. Maybe I could encourage listeners with the book as a prize or as a giveaway... It hardly matters what comes of it if I'm enjoying the process. My art: it's doodles-- it's writing-- it's talking-- it's typing-- it's recording-- it's arranging-- it's programing-- it's design. Design. I'd like to become a designer at this point but I also don't care enough and have this feeling that designers should both care and be 'cool' about the things they do. I've met too many designers that seem to run circles around that and the actual application of the skills. So what should I do? Probably just keep thinking about it for now. Game Designer is where this really comes back together. I was considering the "Whack Pack" along with my current unemployment and I pulled a card that reminded me to "Block out the Sun." because "You can only see the night stars when the Sun is gone". With that in mind, what is "The Sun" of unemployment? It's a few things: the job search, the lack of income, the uncertainty of the future. These blind me to some of the other things that have happened, but I'm still unsure if these are the "stars": I have extra free time, I have time to think and to travel (at least between my job searching), I have no obligations to anyone but my partner and family. I have time to play (some of) the video games I own. I have time to consider what went wrong and right with my previous path(s). I have time to reframe my story as I move into the future. I have time. I've said that a lot now, so I should put it under the microscope. I have time because I have the savings I need to keep Sarah and I afloat at our current residence for the rest of her college and she should be brining in money that can keep us going from that point forward. I could start my own non-profit if that was meaningful to me, but I guess it isn't right now since it doesn't spark joy when I type it out. I was happy enough at MADE that I can imagine I would have similar problems and more with my own NPO. But it does sound nice to have "something my own".
I'm going to pace a bit. it's fun to walk about on the train. There isn't much space to walk but it was still nice to move about. It's 17:39 now, and now :43, :44, :45
Sarah turned on Bob's Burgers and the cell data isn't working where we are now. She's taking a turn walking around. Where was I? Oh yeah, blocking out the sun to see the stars. I wanted to take a look at my Accounting sheet, which doesn't have a passage at the time of writing and ofc I don't have internet so, no dice. I also should update the front page to be about Kirby Air Riders since I'm playing that now. I just got it on the 21st the day after it came out. I've put it on pause for now due to traveling and not bringing a Nintendo Switch 2 with us.
:58 now. Almost 6pm. We have another... 4 hours and 40 minutes. That's 280 minutes till we make it to our destination. That's a lot of time to spend just musing, maybe I'll get somewhere with my thoughts. I stopped for a moment to play Torn. Much of my time has gone into playing that game, although I have no one else in my physically centered world that willingly plays it without reminder by me. I have some digitally connected peers in the game, but it's not really the same as having someone that you know that plays. It's a good game to play if you want to feel productive doing nothing, which I guess is what I wanted from it? It's a cool game, but the theme is not really my thing exactly and some people that play are just not nice about it.
I had a bit of Sarah's sandwich that I assembled earlier on the bus and a few bites of the feta-cucumber-tomato salad. The raspberries packed with the cheese had shared flavors being packed so close, so I didn't eat too many of them. I feel super lazy. Meaning, I don't want to do the work that I know it would take to start creating something. But-- I do! I just have some sort of blocker? I don't know what it is. When I'm back home there is so much to organize and there isn't anywhere to work. The workspaces are stuffed to the point of no return with clutter and fun stuff. I spaced again, since Bob's Burgers is back on. What would my plan of attack be? I really need to figure this out in a big way. Figuring out how many totes all of our things would fit in would also help us know how much it would cost to move into storage. The bathroom has a big stack of loose stuff that would be useful to move and replace with stacks of totes. The air conditioner and the heater can go into storage... but where is storage? I keep thinking under the house would be reasonable, but it would also make getting things out of the house if and when we move much harder. This is the kind of work you really can't just think ahead. You just have to do it when you're there in the moment.
18:57 we have another three hours and forty minutes. Trains are super slow. Whatever tho, I have lots of time to think. Sarah watched "The Simpsons" and now started "Krapopolis". The internet is cutting in and out, so that's not going to help. It's certainly not helping me think. Which reminds me why I have trouble getting things done at home. It's always a busy time when there is a screen to distract me. The solution I can think of would be to move the TV and main entertainment items into the bedroom. That way it can all be closed off and Sarah can enjoy herself while I work around the rest of the house. In order to make that happen, it would need to be on the window side of the room, there would be no glare that way and we don't really use the window anyway. Let's name all of the areas:
1532:
Outside
Plants, trash, metal clothing line (needs repainted)
Outside Stairs
Chess set, misc stuff
Outside Crawlspace
Nothing
Entry Stairs
Cases, ladders
Entry Hallway
Sticker wall, cork board, unsorted bookshelf, shoe holder
Entry Closet
Pantry, dog stuff, unsorted stuff
Kitchen
Fridge, camping stuff, kitchen stuff, misc stuff
Bathroom
Hide-a-bed, bathroom chair, bathroom stuff
Livingroom
TV, mini-fridge, plushie tower, plushie net
Bedroom
Bed, plushie net, clothing, bookshelf, lego, music stuff, collectables, craft stuff
We have so many plushies. We have so much clothing. I have a lot of electronics, collectables and personal items. The music equipment too and all the records. I have the CRT and the VHS stuff in the living room too. That's a really big item, the CRT. But it's a requirement for old consoles and for the VHS player. Getting the records sorted or in some sort of hidden storage would be great. Right now they cover the window wall and most of my table. I just got the piano up and going again. I have two others that I don't really need, one that doesn't work. The other is the Casio I just bought, so getting rid of that so soon seems dumb. It has some really nice Casio Chord action too. I just don't feel very musical and the demo song bank and beats are better than what I can put together. Beside figure, which is very limited itself, how do I make music anymore? I could arrange things in bandlab but I need samples and ditto doesn't really like samples anymore for releases. I still have a backlog of songs that need re-released. I should take a look at that too. I should make a master list of backlogged tasks, the things that are zapping my esteem, in no particular order:
My habitat is not clean
My habitat is not organized
I haven't re-released the music I've already created
I haven't released music I've already created
I don't know what items I have
I don't know what items I want or need
I don't know where the money I need to live will come from
I'll take a moment to look at the songs, if I have them on this laptop.
Oh yeah, they are all in the Music folder.
Hexcross and Pixel Smithy need their OSTs released years ago.
I have at least 8 other new songs, more if I look at my figure screen captures.
I have a lot of old releases that just haven't made it back out on the platforms!
Some of my favorite stuff, like Est Qst Wst, isn't on apple music!
Sundown (feat. Kaotic Shock) is a good one. I forgot about it. It's mainly samples arranged in bandlab, but my friend mastered the track so it stands out against the other songs.
I'm going to try and release the biggest album I can with ditto, with all these older tracks and all the new ones. It should be called: Kitchen Sink
There is a lot to work on:
FAAF
Fealty
Flow Space
Fried Clean
Fun Daze
Future Proofing
Grog Spin
Hurukysyhu
Inte Riktigt Svenska
ISHITICFSLM
itried (feat. sqwuishybear)
J-0urney
Jag Ar Inte Riktig Svensk
Jhicago
Kurenu
lil' ill wubbet
Magic Whiny Phoenix (feat. Figure Tree)
Meta180
Metasix
Minimall Effort
Mmmmm
Moombaht0
Move Rooms
N-Eruption
Nasa Tofu
Open Air
Pack Person
Pas0Cer0
Piggaboo
Q Club
Qst- Mas
Qst0land
Qst0land Express
Qwuak
Rain Chimes
Ritu's Well
Sehmpel
Sheep
Sim
Sock Repair
Sound of Lab (Test Zero) [Demo] [Ambient]
Sparkle House
Start Talking
Sundown
Texture
Throw Down
Unfonshed
Warp Piper
Which House
Woanderer
X Spirit
Yiminy
52 Releases, not all of them made it but there are more than as many tracks!
Pizza Money shouldn't be on that list so I'm removing it.
And the unreleased:
MoCymatics
Tavuma.m4a
Re Vital Eyez
The Echoismist's Mirror Battle
Slides (Extended).m4a
Whoop Too
Tail-Lite
Wonk Whave
Some SFX-breaks of note too:
"Steve is With Us"
"Government Money"
So wow!
Just a massive amount of content for me to throw back out into the world.
It's going to be a lot of work to just get them distributed, but it would be worth it to see my qst0 royalties grow to something meaningful enough I can even call it getting paid vs paying in.
It's 22:05 now, it's almost arrival time in Fullerton. We should plan out our uber from the station but I feel kinda lazy about that too. Once we are off the train it will be just as easy to hire an uber as it would be to order it now. If there is a wait or a huge cost, well-- that sucks but that's the cost of doing travel. We spent another $4 on top of the $6 I spent earlier on drinks, so $10 in snacks on the train. $13 on McDonalds and $5 for the uber to OJK.
I just did some accounting, spending money pretty fast but that's expected and we have more spending ahead of us. About $2000 of costs remain in the budget unspent. I won't be trying super hard to save money, mainly since it will spoil the mood and the mindset I'm trying to be in on this vacation. But it's not impossible for us to spend less than the budget as it was greased up so that we would almost certainly come in under. But maybe I calculated wrong? I should just brace for whatever happens.
Okay, we're almost here. I'm going to pack up so it's easy to disembark the train.