I've signed an offer letter for a new, transitional position at MADE. This isn't exactly public info yet, but if you've been reading my daily notes, which are more or less a journal I am happy to share with anyone, you can reach out to me with any questions you might have if it is of concern to you. That said, I should be able to make this public formally soon.
Today was good, I had a few concerns and I articulated them and moved on. That's all a person can do sometimes. I have had NinaJirachi's music in my head, specifically "iPod Touch", and playing all day.
What feels like moments ago, but now about two and a half hours ago, I left the museum and rode the bike to Laney College to meet up with Sarah and drive home. At home we ate the food she brought home from the "family dinner" and has had an Anime about some actor's child and three women he lives with. I will ask for the name of it now: Dealing with Mikadono Sisters Is a Breeze, it's on EP 6 and I wouldn't say I'm very into it-- but I'm distracted by the offer letter and making sure my thoughts in the moment could be recorded into the more private/exclusive Executive Director Journal that I have kept while in the role at MADE.
11 days until the role change is formal. The prestige of the role of "executive" anything never meant much to me, and the new title I will hold till I am able to leave- oh yeah. If I haven't mentioned- I'm leaving MADE, if not Oakland altogether in August 2026 as part of a future plan with Sarah to see more of the world outside of our bubble, and find our place in it.
The new title I will hold is "Director of Programs" which is still really amazing, and my time as the interim executive director can still be worn as a badge of honor, although I do feel it will need to be shown in the correct light. The accomplishments of the museum have never exactly felt like "mine". But I started to claim them, or at least feel like I needed to point them out as signs of an endless scope creep. I am unsure I've been able to communicate such concerns fully, but I will have time to do so, and perhaps if I choose, a better position to do so as a volunteer, and not an employee, of the museum when the time comes.
Hmm. Just feeling and thinking now somehow... the future seems open, and our plan to explore the world seems much more possible. I might still not know what I want, but I can at least separate the difficulty I have with that question from the personification of the museum I grew to embody. I'll let it cook on the back burner / run on the spare cycles of my mind: "What do I want?"
Perhaps, when I can let go, I should just let such thoughts (endless processes) cease...
Sometimes not looking for an answer is what helps you find it. The Seeking Paradox.
That's the second paradox I've danced with today (and tried to stare in the face, to limited results).
The other being a new one to me, that I don't have a name for, but I do have a description (or gripe about):
I’m often told how well I can articulate myself, but I sometimes feel like this kind of extreme articulation creates some sort of invisible barrier around what I actually mean and it’s a paradox I am yet to understand.
Like— how could further explaining what I mean further obscure the meaning!!
Let me ask an LLM if it understands what I mean, or rather, if it can "write" back to me about it.
It really did. Amazingly well, we could call it "The Clarity Trap" or "Talking past the point", but I think that "The Articulation Paradox" will need to be used, since the other names are overloaded. Perhaps even that is, but it's closer... Trying to name this paradox seems to cause it.
I thought:
"I can't wait to share these pithy version of this paradox with the person I spoke to it about today!" Or at least, I was excited, until the paradox of trying to understand the paradox wrapped around itself and confused me further.
I'll make an entry for Polish Blur Paradox, and continue the musing within.
I've tired myself out. I think it's time for sleep. Only 20 minutes remain in the day anyway.
I look at the calendar to prepare for my day, knowing that Sarah wakes up at 4am to go fishing with Chris, who I don't really know, but I know Sarah knows from her past and has been talking to for some time about a fishing trip. I was invited, but getting up so early and trying to stay up late enough to enjoy the Plus Arcade party seems impossible. Even more so when I think about tabling at Clinton Park on Sunday from 11am to 2pm. My first meeting isn't until 13:30. I will have time to rest. I'm thankful for that. I'll check Torn one more time before bed and brush my teeth.